“God can’t be with us so he made mothers.”

Mothers are the most wonderful people in the world. They keep us safe in their wombs while we are nothing but a cluster of cells. They protect us when we finally arrive into the world and are susceptible to all sorts of foreign bodies. They nurture us, teach us, make us who we are today. They are indeed the best people in the world. 

But being a mom is no piece of cake. And though I speak from no experience whatsoever, I have seen enough mothers cribbing one minute and proudly exclaiming about their babies the next to have a general idea about the nutcase-like profession being a mother is. So here is a list of few unsavory things about being a mom that has me getting cold feet about the whole concept (brrr…).

Diaper Dramas:-

Your tiny bundle of joy immediately stops being so when it’s time to change the diaper. I guess most new moms must have readily agreed to change these nasty things the first few times but when the novelty starts to wear off it’s just a matter of time before you set-up a diaper changing schedule for your unwilling spouse, who till now had kept himself thirty feet away from the potential poop bombs and pee fountains.

Diapers are tricky things. If you are an amateur you might end up creating a bigger mess. And there’s also the fact that they cost a fortune when you do the math. I mean, an average baby needs 10-12 diaper changes a day.

That makes it 75-80 a week…

…200-250 a month

Above 2000 a year!!! And that’s above $1700.

I know I am being petty but since I am not a mom I guess it is okay for me to think investing in an 8GB iphone is a better option.

The Radio without a Power off Button:-   

New moms are constantly subjected to the nightmare of hearing their babies shriek late into the night just when they believed that the tantrum was over for the day after the breastfeeding. In fact I have read stories where some mothers claim that they could still hear their kids scream out before the fathers even though they had earphones stuffed in their ears with the music turned up high. I don’t know about you but I like my 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. And believe me, if you knew me you would agree!

Baby Talk Blues:- 

Whenever I have observed new moms they have either been changing diapers (the endless routine) or squealing out unintelligible words to their little cuties, a phenomenon which is usually called the baby talk syndrome. And we wonder why kids have horrible pronunciations when they start uttering words and phrases. I for one find this stereotypical habit rather frustrating. So much that I think even baby me would have objected to my mom prattling away in baby talk even though I can’t remember anything so far back.

Say Goodbye to Normal Life:-

Why is it that more than 75% women in the world opt to leave their jobs once they become mommies? It’s because you simply cannot handle the pressure at work after the sleepless nights and stressful task of learning to nurse a newborn. And that’s the biggest no-no for a career-oriented person like me. I mean I don’t think I can handle a nurse rushing to me right before I am about to enter the operation theatre for carrying out a surgery on a trauma patient and saying- “Doctor, your babysitter called. Your child has been vomiting non-stop since the last half hour.” Knowing how a woman’s brain changes during gestation (period in womb) I just might choose to abandon my patient on life support and rush back home to deal with my child and her non-life-threatening case of vomits. (The last bit was all hypothetical since I still haven’t graduated as a doctor).

So these are a few reasons why I dread being a mom. I know they would appear lame or outright dumb to actual mothers reading this but I can’t help feeling this way. The only consolation is that if my mom survived raising a leaky, monster-me then maybe I will survive the ordeal too.

Ria Majumdar is an undergraduate medical student by day and a writer and blogger by night. When not studying she likes to observe the world around her and find humor in it.