\u201cCommunications\u201d was a required course my ![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.carouselandrockinghorses.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/communication-dispute-245x300.jpg\" "\\"\\"")
freshman year in College.\u00a0 I wish I had been given this course in elementary school!\u00a0 It taught listening skills and the rules for fighting fair.\u00a0 I had never heard of such a thing.\u00a0 In my family, we just fought.\u00a0 Anything that came to mind flung out of our mouths with the hope of hitting pay dirt.\u00a0 Anything was game, we yelled, we slapped, we cried. It was brutal and I still ache from the wounds delivered there.<\/p>\n
In my class, we watched movies of married couples fighting.\u00a0 Some were loud but productive, some were quiet and cruel.\u00a0 We learned it was as much content as delivery and that the goal was to communicate not \u201cwin\u201d. We developed a list of effective tools and a list of destructive behaviors that has served me and my children for a lifetime.<\/p>\n
When my children were old enough to start fighting, I started to teach the tools I had learned in my communications class.\u00a0 My children are all grown now and they still like each other (a thing that is harder than loving sometimes) which is the greatest testimony of their learning to fight fair.<\/p>\n
Here is a short list of the things I taught:<\/p>\n
It takes practice.\u00a0 We did exercises in class to sharpen our listening skills and to practice \u201cI feel\u201d statements. It was awkward at first because we had no experience at it. We messed up a lot at first but we slowly gained proficiency. Parents must practice what we preach in more ways than one, but the benefits of learning and teaching how to fight fair are way worth the trouble.<\/p>\n
Ruth Ann Lea
\nwww.followtheball.org<\/a>
\nwww.ruthannlea.blogspot.com<\/a><\/p>\n